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insanity asylum 2 torrent 75
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I am happy to be able to state as a result of my visit to theasylum and the exposures consequent thereon, that the City of NewYork has appropriated $1,000,000 more per annum than ever beforefor the care of the insane. So I have at least the satisfactionof knowing that the poor unfortunates will be the better caredfor because of my work.
My instructions were simply to go on with my work as soon as I feltthat I was ready. I was to chronicle faithfully the experiences I underwent,and when once within the walls of the asylum to find out and describe itsinside workings, which are always, so effectually hidden by white-cappednurses, as well as by bolts and bars, from the knowledge of the public."We do not ask you to go there for the purpose of making sensational revelations.Write up things as you find them, good or bad; give praise or blame asyou think best, and the truth all the time. But I am afraid of that chronicsmile of yours," said the editor. "I will smile no more," I said, and Iwent away to execute my delicate and, as I found out, difficult mission.
All the preliminary preparations for my ordeal were left to be plannedby myself. Only one thing was decided upon, namely, that I shouldpass under the pseudonym of Nellie Brown, the initials of which would agree with my own name and my linen, so that there would be no difficultyin keeping track of my movements and assisting me out of any difficultiesor dangers I might get into. There were ways of getting into the insaneward, but I did not know them. I might adopt one of two courses. EitherI could feign insanity at the house of friends, and get myself committedon the decision of two competent physicians, or I could go to mygoal by way of the police courts.
But here let me say one thing: From the moment I entered the insaneward on the Island, I made no attempt to keep up the assumed roleof insanity. I talked and acted just as I do in ordinary life. Yet strangeto say, the more sanely I talked and acted the crazier I was thought tobe by all except one physician, whose kindness and gentle ways I shallnot soon forget.
BUT to return to my work and my mission. After receiving myinstructions I returned to my boarding-house, and when eveningcame I began to practice the role in which I was to makemy debut on the morrow. What a difficult task, I thought, toappear before a crowd of people and convince them that I wasinsane. I had never been near insane persons before in my life,and had not the faintest idea of what their actions were like.And then to be examined by a number of learned physicians whomake insanity a specialty, and who daily come in contactwith insane people! How could I hope to pass these doctorsand convince them that I was crazy? I feared that they could notbe deceived. I began to think my task a hopeless one; but it hadto be done. So I flew to the mirror and examined my face. Iremembered all I had read of the doings of crazy people, how firstof all they have staring eyes, and so I opened mine as wide aspossible and stared unblinkingly at my own reflection. I assureyou the sight was not reassuring, even to myself, especially inthe dead of night. I tried to turn the gas up higher in hopesthat it would raise my courage. I succeeded only partially, but Iconsoled myself with the thought that in a few nights more Iwould not be there, but locked up in a cell with a lot oflunatics.
For a moment I forgot my role of assumed insanity, and told herthe correct hour of departure. She then asked me what work I was goingto do, or if I had ever done any. I replied that I thought it very sadthat there were so many working people in the world. She said in replythat she had been unfortunate and had come to New York, where she had workedat correcting proofs on a medical dictionary for some time, but that herhealth had given way under the task, and that she was now going to Bostonagain. When the maid came to tell us to go to bed I remarked that I wasafraid, and again ventured the assertion that all the women in the houseseemed to be crazy. The nurse insisted on my going to bed. I asked if Icould not sit on the stairs, but she said, decisively: "No; for every onein the house would think you were crazy." Finally I allowed them to takeme to a room.
We entered the courtroom. It was the Essex Market Police Courtroom.At last the question of my sanity or insanity was to be decided. JudgeDuffy sat behind the high desk, wearing a look which seemed to indicatethat he was dealing out the milk of human kindness by wholesale. I ratherfeared I would not get the fate I sought, because of the kindness I sawon every line of his face, and it was with rather a sinking heart thatI followed Mrs. Stanard as she answered the summons to go up to the desk,where Tom Bockert had just given an account of the affair.
"Well, there is no insanity in that," said the man who had brought thereporter, and together they left the room. Once again I had a fit of fear.Had I gone too far in not wanting to see a reporter, and was my sanitydetected? If I had given the impression that I was sane, I was determinedto undo it, so I jumped up and ran back and forward through the office,Mrs. Stanard clinging terrified to my arm.
But I put out my tongue, which he looked at in a sagacious manner. Thenhe felt my pulse and listened to the beating of my heart. I had not theleast idea how the heart of an insane person beat, so I held my breathall the while he listened, until, when he quit, I had to give a gasp toregain it. Then he tried the effect of the light on the pupils of my eyes.Holding his hand within a half inch of my face, he told me to look at it,then, jerking it hastily away, he would examine my eyes. I was puzzledto know what insanity was like in the eye, so I thought the best thingunder the circumstances was to stare. This I did. I held my eyes rivetedunblinkingly upon his hand, and when he removed it I exerted all my strengthto still keep my eyes from blinking.
Turning to me he offered me explanation to the effect that new buildingswere being erected, and that the noise came from some of the workmen engagedupon it. I told him I did not want to stay there without him, and to pacifyme he promised soon to return. He left me and I found myself at last anoccupant of an insane asylum.
I had hoped to get some rest on this my first night in an insane asylum.But I was doomed to disappointment. When the night nurses came in theywere curious to see me and to find out what I was like. No sooner had theyleft than I heard some one at my door inquiring for Nellie Brown, and Ibegan to tremble, fearing always that my sanity would be discovered. Bylistening to the conversation I found it was a reporter in search of me,and I heard him ask for my clothing so that he might examine it. I listenedquite anxiously to the talk about me, and was relieved to learn that Iwas considered hopelessly insane. That was encouraging. After the reporterleft I heard new arrivals, and I learned that a doctor was there and intendedto see me. For what purpose I knew not, and I imagined all sorts of horriblethings, such as examinations and the rest of it, and when they got to myroom I was shaking with more than fear. 2ff7e9595c
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